Psyched Out

Back in the 1990's, before Ed and I were married, I had an unplanned possible pregnancy. This would be distressing at any time, but I had a neck level spinal injury and my doctors said I couldn't carry a pregnancy without quadriplegia or death resulting. My fiance Ed and I naturally intended to adopt.

Our condom broke in North Carolina Sunday Night, and the Planned Parenthood there was closed. Uninsured, I had no way to pay for a $500 Emergency Room visit. So I had to fly back to Chicago, drive back to Iowa and wait for Student Health to open. Every hour until I could take emergency contraception - called Plan B now and over the counter - meant it was less likely to work. There's a 72 hour window.


I felt so many conflicting emotions. Of course I wanted a baby from the man I loved, and ending the pregnancy felt tragic, so much so that I considered continuing it and taking the risks. Ed and my best friends talked me out of it, but I remained ambivalent emotionally, though not intellectually.

I've always been passionately pro choice, because minority religious beliefs shouldn't enter into medical care. Lots of Christians think that dancing, music, swearing, celebrating holidays, studying science, going to the doctor and playing cards are sinful and should be illegal. I respect their right to their beliefs and practices, but don't believe they have the right to make those activities federally illegal when they are free to abstain from those activities in this country. If they don't want to have abortions nobody will force them. And nobody could force me either way, I was the only one who could decide - entirely appropriate, it is MY body! Now I understood better why anti-abortion and anti- birth control people feel the way they do.

At hour 51, I took Plan B's first pills, knowing they might not work. I wanted Ed's baby inside me. I wanted to stay alive and healthy.

The hormone pills made me even MORE emotional, and I stayed with my friends until the hormone hurricane was over and I could take a pregnancy test. It was negative, as were later tests. Failing tests was actually a relief.