Psyched Out

I am scared of what is happening to my body.

Of what is happening to me.

Despite getting up at 5:30 every other morning to work out, albeit at a pathetic half of my usual (is it really former already?) pace, I am making grocery decisions based on which store has the best motorized scooter carts. I'm in burning pain during workouts, exhausted afterward and sore the next day as if I'm pushing myself hard instead of slacking.

I'm getting tested for cancer and emphysema.

For months I've been struggling with thoughts that I am making a mountain out of a molehill and hence won't be believed. I'm over that now. There's really something wrong besides laziness or deconditioning or hypochondria. I wish I could go back to the comfort of doubting myself.