Formerly Hidden Symptoms

My DH helped me put together this list for the doctor tomorrow, in case I get too embarrassed to talk about my health issues. One of the things I'm doing to cope with my shame and embarrassment is to blog it and kind of out myself. The best cure for shame is sunlight, I've found. Hiding it makes shame stronger, exposing it shrinks it back to a manageable feeling. So here's what I'm ashamed of:

1. I have to pause during even fairly trivial exertion, like
walking out to the car after shopping.

2. There is some shortness of breath with it, but nothing like asthma.

3. My stamina has gotten progressively worse since last year. I was
working out at Curves for the past year and had to quit because I was able to do
less and less. It's gotten so bad that I'm getting some sit down home exercise videos to keep
working out at a level I can handle.

4. A similar thing afflicted mom at about the same age. It was never
looked into or explained; she was diagnosed with COPD about 10-15 years
later, but was never really treated for it. They sent her to some
special COPD-oriented exercise classes, which helped a lot, but insurance
wouldn't pay for it, and it was too expensive to continue.

5. It's all-over-body weakness: exhaustion affecting upper body as well
as lower, torso as well as extremities, not a matter of just the muscles
that were exercising. At time it is so bad that lying down would be
better than sitting down for dealing with it.

6. But overall energy level isn't affected at all -- once rested,
it's easy to get back to normal. Overall I feel energetic and healthy.

7. There is no *general* fatigue affecting all of life -- *only* with
exertion. Not even a lasting fatigue from exertion; after a rest,
everything is back to normal.

8. It's all about stamina.

Now was that so bad to admit? :)


Martin said...


You are spectacularly courageous! I can't commend you enough for your approach to this process. It can be easy to let stuff like this overpower us emotionally. We all have fears to face, and its inspiring to see someone facing theirs head-on. Kudos to you and to your DH for his support.

I don't often read blogs from the list, but I'm glad yours caught my eye.

Keep fighting the fight.

God Bless,

Heidi said...

Hi Mary!!

Thank you so much for your kind words over at Shapely Prose, they mean a lot to me. And you're so right about sun being the best thing for shame. I feel free in a way I haven't felt in years.